What is Love?

Love might be one of the most confused ideas in our world today. The overly romanticized and sensualized versions of love promoted by the entertainment industry have embedded a version of love in the human imagination that isn't grounded in reality. 

It has created an expectation that true love is fueled by constant passion and desire. 

It has cultivated the hope that a happenstance meeting will turn into the discovery of your one true love whom you've been waiting for your entire life. 

It leads people to believe that our most significant experience of love is found in fantasy-like moments when we're swept off our feet with emotional euphoria.

But anyone who's been in a committed relationship longer than a few months knows that the first fight, or first moment of failed expectations, brings those hopes and dreams crashing to the ground. 

And the question of "What is love?" begins to emerge. 

So, what is love? 

To answer that question, we have to go to the source of love. In the Scriptures, we are told that "God is love" (1 John 4:16). This is helpful because it tells us where to go to understand love, but unhelpful when longing to see a description of love. However, when we look throughout the Scriptures, the character of God shines through to give us a clear picture of true love. 

Many attributes of God can be listed to describe love, but here are three. 

Love is a choice and a commitment.

It's easy to be excited about being in a relationship with someone (whether a good friend or significant other) on their good days. But the true test of love is whether or not we're willing to stick with someone on their worst days, especially days when they hurt or betray us. 

One of the central metaphors used throughout the Old Testament describing God's relationship with his people is that of an unfaithful spouse. (See the book of Hosea.) God is willing to extend chance after chance after chance in taking his people back after they have repeatedly been unfaithful to Him. God's commitment to His people is unwavering. 

Love is an active expression.

It's one thing to tell someone you love them. It's another thing to show it. If I tell my wife I love her daily or communicate to a good friend how much I value them, but my actions demonstrate prioritizing myself, my wishes, and my desires ahead of them, they will naturally start to believe what I do over against what I say. Without a clear demonstration of self-sacrifice, our words begin to ring hollow.

Jesus makes it as plain as day during his final meal with his disciples the night before his crucifixion. He says, "Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends." That very next day, He gave his life, not only for his friends but also for those who were vehemently against him. 

Love includes feelings.

Feelings naturally accompany love. If self-sacrifice is routine and obligatory without joy or contentment, it won't be sustained. In the same token, if we expect that love is primarily measured by feelings, we will quickly grow disillusioned when those feelings aren't present. 

In a counter-intuitive way, in seasons when feelings aren't as strong, it's the commitment and the active demonstration of love that can renew them. Therefore, it is important to understand love as a continual pursuit of all three things.